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Beyond the Veil of Ghosting

Beyond the Veil of Ghosting

12 Feb, 2019 | BLOG, Healing & Mental Health, Heart Centred Living, Spirituality

If you had asked me a few years ago what ghosting was, I would of likely guessed it was something to do with an actual ghost – an apparition of a person who has passed – such as trying to communicate with one, seeing one, or feeling one’s presence. It wasn’t really...

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Julie Parker
I'm not a good sick person - but not in the way yo I'm not a good sick person - but not in the way you may think.⁠ ⁠ I'm a good patient. I'll do the things I'm guided to + not whine or be demanding. ⁠ ⁠ What I've come to learn about myself however is that psychologically I'm terrible when I'm sick.⁠ To myself. ⁠ ⁠ I lose all logic that I am S I C K + think what I am capable of should be the same as when not sick. Never mind as I found myself recently I may have a raging fever + double pneumonia, coughing into the night, not eating, struggling to breathe. ⁠ Where does this unkindness come from? This unkindness that heard me tell myself... ⁠ Get up⁠ You're lazy Come on ⁠ Move it ⁠ You're letting clients down You're failing the team ⁠ Logically I knew it wasn't serving me + yet still it came in waves of harshness mixed with lots of capitalistic thoughts about falling behind + not producing enough. ⁠ ⁠ I am therefore once again reminded that our greatest teaching in life/biz comes when we are experiencing things that are stretching + where we must look at ourselves differently + change, or face ongoing painful lessons. ⁠ Being sick + not able to work when you run your own biz is no joke. It's a different experience to being sick + working for someone. ⁠It tests your patience, self-compassion, capacity to surrender, deep seated fears about your productivity, worthiness, + earnings. ⁠Thrown in with the reality that you genuinely MAY earn less + have to say no to opportunities. This is where that saying that owning your own biz is one of the greatest personal development journeys you can ever go on is so true. I've been here nearly 20 years. Clearly there is still so much for me to learn. About me. At times when I 'should' display more gentleness to myself than ever, I don't seem to be able to do that well. And so layers of conditioning are calling to be unravelled. I can't be anything but grateful for the showing + that there is healing here for me within my heart + soul beyond the healing that has recently taken place in my body. Why can I be so compassionate to others who are sick + yet not myself? I'm walking with this question gently right now. Have you ever had to do the same? I'd love to know.
Throughout my almost two decades in business the v Throughout my almost two decades in business the very best spend of money I've ever made has always been directly on me. I've done business courses, masterminds, media training, money management, online course development - the works. And while there have been a couple I've questioned if the investment was truly worth it, overall they all have had value in some form or another. Some of them deeply so. However when I think back over all the investments I have made to create the stable, flourishing + deeply nourishing business I now have, it's been when I've invested in experiences that have helped me to be a richer + deeper space holder + more authentically grounded + connected M E that I have the deepest gratitude for. Exploring my Celtic ancestry, embracing myself as a modern day priestess, getting therapy to address my deep seated people pleasing + fear of abandonment, learning to connect deeper with my body + somatic self - all of them helped me to become better at my craft. Listening. Intuiting. Feeling. Seeing. Holding. Uplifting. Challenging. Honouring. Expanding. At the deepest levels with profound + often life + business changing results that change the trajectory of peoples lives. Every time I have devoted to myself I have also devoted to my craft. My deepest desire to become a better coach. A more skilled supervisor. A more reverent mentor. A more confident breathwork facilitator. And a more loving energy practitioner. Investing in the deepest parts of yourself is a portal to not just personal growth but business growth as well. In every possible way. Clients. Opportunities. Visibility. Subscribers. And more... Join me + @heart_sparks at The Sacred Leadership Retreat for Space Holders, June 9th-12th at @summer_house_retreat for a divinely held experience that will honour you for where you are + create the trajectory you long for into the next evolvement of your space holding + business. 8 places available. Early bird release coming Monday March 6th. Please sign up at the link above to be the first to receive information to apply. This retreat was one of the highlights of my 2022. I know it will be for 2023 as well.
I know if you want to read what these are you will I know if you want to read what these are you will slide through them. The uncertain income, refunds, being copied, marketing onslaught + much more - it's all there. ⁠ ⁠ What I really wanted to share with you behind it however, is despite the fact I always try to be as integrity fuelled as I can as a service based biz owner + life coach trainer with @bycacademy - saying such things doesn't always come easy. Or without cost. ⁠ ⁠ I am very very aware that me saying things like this will cost me business.⁠ ⁠ There will be people who read this + the deep desire they have to become a life coach or maybe work with me as a mentor to support their coaching, healing, design, naturopathy, personal training, creative (any kind of service business) will see them step right back. These truths as I know them after nearly two decades as a service based business owner will not address the (sometimes deep) pain they may be holding + the desires they have for their immediate future. ⁠ The desire to make a lot of money. FAST.⁠ The desire to start a business + leave their job. FAST.⁠ The desire to feel + be masterful at their craft. FAST. ⁠ The desire to feel exceptionally confident in promoting themselves. FAST. ⁠ ⁠ And I truly get it. When it can feel like offerings + even promises are being made all around that can give you some or even all of the above FAST - I truly get it. ⁠ When I see however the impact of not understanding some of these realities it's heartbreaking to me. The burnout. The comparison. The lack of prioritisation. The non existent/failing boundaries. The projection. It doesn't need to be this way. It doesn't. It does not. For it not to be however it requires time, radical honesty, time, gentleness, time, trial + error, time, education - oh + a bit more time. It's a marathon/long meandering walk not a sprint. It's an adventure not a destination. It's a journey with no truly defined map. It's a deep exploration of your heart, soul, purpose, calling. And if you're meant to go on the walk, adventure, journey + exploration you will. Not in spite of or in resistance to any or all the above. But - at least in part - because of them. ⁠
There is such spark and joy and adventure and wild There is such spark and joy and adventure and wildness outside the boundaries we so often self-create. And at times fail to then self-manage. We can become insular. Filled with comparison. Measurement. Copying. Even dread. The soul of our work and space holding if it’s to be truly fed and flourish, must receive nourishment from different forms of joy, creativity and play. One coach I’ve always seen do this so well is the divine @rachelcmacdonald who I constantly see immersing herself in nature, home design, fashion, art, documentaries, music. It’s not a coincidence she does such things and is such a successful coach. I’m coming out of a weekend filled with nature, food, art, play and a beautiful floral arranging workshop by @pepperberryflora at @violetandivvy I enter today and this week ahead filled with clients, meetings and a lot of admin with renewed joy, fresh ideas and light in my heart. From and through the inspiration of these things. Treat the source and seat of your creativity and joy seriously. It needs you. And you need it.
Every now and again shiz blows up.⁠ ⁠ And it d Every now and again shiz blows up.⁠ ⁠ And it did at the end of 2022.⁠ ⁠ And it's worth mentioning that shiz blows up in all industries, networks and communities from time to time. Nothing and no one is ever immune to not be part of such things once in existence. It's not just the coaching industry. Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise. ⁠ ⁠ And blow ups can be highly educational, revealing and necessary. They support people to see things they may not have realised, look at something from a different perspective, check themselves, more deeply connect to their own values, integrity and service, make an industry like coaching better - and so much more. Such things can only be good. ⁠ ⁠ Amongst it all however when these things happen - and then often linger or become an ongoing form of business engagement, marketing (because yes it can be that), 'sport' or extended outrage without nuance and seeing the bigger picture - it loses me. When the focus becomes so heavily stacked about what is not right we can lose total sight of all the absolutely incredible things happening and people doing work that is brilliant, positive and life affirming. ⁠ ⁠ Every day. ⁠ ⁠ I'm here for integrity, alignment and ethical practices in the coaching industry at all times. ⁠ ⁠ And that means I must celebrate, honour, uplift, follow, nurture, applaud, stand for and cheer on those coaches who are doing just that.⁠ ⁠ There will always be issues and problematic people. Always. ⁠ ⁠ I'm here to spend more time, effort, energy and love on those who are not.⁠ ⁠ If you're finding yourself 'sick to death' of it 'all', questioning, confused, lost, muddled or any and all combination of the above, may I suggest you do the same. ⁠ ⁠ If you actively seek out and step towards the opposite of what has you bothered it will change you, your life and your business for the better. ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ (Why not share this with someone you know who may need to ponder it, or tag an incredible coach below that inspires you with the beauty, integrity and service of their work. This is how we amplify and support each other and contribute to us all knowing more about the amazing work so many coaches do.) ⁠ ⁠
In my book PRIESTESS I wrote about the sister woun In my book PRIESTESS I wrote about the sister wound + how it was a very real thing causing a lot of women pain. ⁠ ⁠ Feelings + experiences of exclusion, bullying, gossip, comparison, jealousy, copying, competition, betrayal + more. And nothing speaks more to this than how my DM's blow UP whenever I've spoken about it + the stories of hurt it prompts to be shared. ⁠ ⁠ For some of us these experiences may have happened when we were a young girl + have lingered into our relationships with other women now. For others, how we relate to women is heavily influenced by our mothers + how we saw them connect with (or otherwise) women around them. Some of us will have had experiences in workplaces, creative pursuits or businesses that can have cemented deep seated feelings about the role other women play in our lives. ⁠ ⁠ Sisterhood.⁠ ⁠ It's such a lovely word + it's one I find so potent. It does not come without however a lot of heart + soul lead work from within ourselves first + then outwards in how we relate to other women. It's a somewhat romantic myth that it happens naturally + those women we see with thriving friendships just 'have' something that we may feel we or others don't. ⁠ ⁠ While I believe that a sisterhood connection can absolutely feel natural, for it to both thrive + survive, it will require work.⁠ ⁠ Communication. Give. Acceptance. Take. Honesty. Boundaries. Releasing. Loving. Forgiving. ⁠ ⁠ The first episode of The Priestess Podcast for 2023 is out now + it's with the truly divine Life, Spirituality + Business Coach @infinniteyou Fionnuala has navigated some deep + challenging sisterhood waters in her life + they have shaped the successful business woman she is now. There are many searing reasons why the sister wound is so pervasive - patriarchy, white supremacy, colonisation, capitalism, childhood experiences + more. However we can reclaim it if we want to. And I know I surely do, because outside my immediate family the women I call sister in my life are everything to me. What is your relationship with the sister wound + other women in your life? How has it shaped your heart + the openness with which you show up for yourself + others?
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I acknowledge the GunaiKurnai people as the traditional owners of the land where my work is primarily operated from. I pay my respect to all Elders – past, present and emerging.

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