What is self-love?
If you looked up the rather dry dictionary definition it will tell you that it is ‘regard for ones own well-being and happiness.’ Yes it certainly is, however of course it’s so much more than that.
What is undeniable is that the path to deep care and love for ourselves is chiefly an inside job. It involves developing positive and loving thoughts about ourselves, caring for and protecting our energy, embodying the truth and beauty of our soul essence and having faith and belief that we are whole and living with purpose. Oscar Wilde said “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” And I think he’s absolutely right. A lifelong romance and internal alchemical dance.
What is not spoken about so much in our journey with and to self-love is our outside world and being. And to a certain extent I think this is due to the fact that no one wants to give the impression that dressing a certain way or spending money on fancy treatments or products, is the heart pathway to self-love. Of course it isn’t. However I also think its a falsity to say that self-adornment in things that make us feel beautiful or simply to our eye look beautiful – is not a part of self-love. It is. We have all known that feeling at least once in our life of looking in the mirror and smiling back at ourselves feeling a sense of loveliness at what we see. In that moment we found ourselves to be glowing and beautiful. And how can that not be a part of our journey with and to self-love? It absolutely is.
And I find as a woman who is now in her mid life a strange polarity about the way I look. On the one hand I care less about how I look because I know of its deep impermanence and lack of importance in the essence of who I am. It is simply the gift wrap to the gift. And then on the other hand I care more about how I look.
On my priestess path I have come to understand how truly wonderful it is express myself in a richer and more meaningful external way. The result is that I have found myself doing things like getting facials, (having had one in my life prior), painting my nails more, being slightly obsessed with the heady power of organic scents and let’s not talk about my (ahem) penchant for crystal jewellery. To ancient priestesses self-adornment was a part of their expression of the divine feminine. Sacred objects. Alchemical oils. Elixirs. Crystals. Feather Wands. These things were not seen as vanity or more important than their internal world, rather a representation of their essence and self.
There are so many ways we can adorn (and adore) ourselves in every day life to boost our feelings of beauty, embodiment and self-love. Self-adornment does not have to be expensive or time consuming, although if it is both of those things that is of course ok. It’s all ok. To me the practice of self-adornment comes from a place of intention. As a priestess I am committed to thinking about how every thought I express, or action I take, contributes or detracts from myself and others. And therefore adorning and adoring myself comes with thinking very consciously about what I purchase and whether something has been made ethically or exploitatively and whether it has unnecessary chemicals and fillers in it. And I want to absolutely love it. When I touch it, smell it or look at it I want to feel joy. I want to feel as though it is an extension of me.
For me I am finding adornment right now in…
Wearing lipstick or gloss every day. Even at home when no one else is looking or around. Always chemical and cruelty free. The adorned feeling? Sexiness, fullness, readiness.
Going out at night – false eyelashes. Just little ones but holy goddess do they make my eyes pop and sparkle. In truth I don’t go out a great deal at night anymore to parties and the like – but when I do – the falsies are out. The adorned feeling? Luscious, daring, captivating.
My love affair with crystal jewellery runs deep and you will find me with an intentionally chosen ring, necklace or pair of earrings on that I feel matches my mood and desire most days. I especially love the power of rings and their placement right on such an expressive part of my body. The adorned feeling? Powerful, feminine, strong.
Coconut oil massaged through my hair. My hair never used to be dry but it is now. My hairdresser gave me the simple and non-expensive tip that wearing coconut oil in your hair all day on the day you are going to wash it will nourish it and then wash out easily. Doing this care for my hair and piling it high on my head makes me feel and smell like a Tahitian princess. The adorned feeling? Rich, sensual, flowing.
I have not been able to wear commercial perfumes for many years now. Instant headache. Instead I have turned to wearing alchemical oils, floral essences and chakra sprays all of which I adore. I wish more women were aware of the amazing smell and power of these anointing products. I have come to believe they truly help me to increase my intent at any time whether that be to feel energised, calm, sensual or forgiving. The adorned feeling? Light, abundant, rich.
How do you intentionally adorn yourself? If you feel you’re not right now I can truly attest that doing so in even subtle or small ways can make a huge difference to how you feel about yourself. Small acts of self-love, self-adornment and intentional care can add up over time to a more nurtured and whole you.
And that’s a beautiful thing to behold and be.
Love this Juile. The difference between adornment for yourself and the push of society to adorn to please others is profound. I think there is a new wave of adorning and celebrating the self from love that is much needed. X
You’re so right Kerry. When these actions for ourselves come from a sovereign place as women and not what we think we must do, or wear, or look like – it changes the paradigm of everything. Even lipstick!
Bright lippy always lifts my spirits!
I hear you Lisa! Me too.
I love this post, Julie. Making peace with adorning myself has actually been sort of a’thing’ for me.
I grew up in an highly materialistic and appearance-driven community where “adornment” wasn’t so much an outward expression of essence, but a way of showing the world how wealthy your parents were (or rather, how much they were willing to spend on your appearance).
And– I was raised by parents who rarely bought anything new and spoke ill of people who were concerned with money, status or material things. My dad would regularly make fun of me for caring what people thought about my appearance.
Talk about conflicting messages.
Whilst I know my parents were meant well in terms of the values they were trying to imbue, shaming me had the opposite effect. My teenage self chose to feel victimized by my loving, well-meaning parents for making me an outcast in a very privileged society, and I became a bit of a shopping fanatic – always with something to prove.
…in my teens it was all about proving to my classmates that I was as good as them.
…in my early 20s, dressing a certain way to appear sexy or and attract members of the opposite sex.
…in my late 20s, dressing to impress my female peers and colleagues and to seems successful and ‘together’.
… in my early 30s, I suddenly not giving a f**k and started living in yoga pants while I dealt with health issues, which didn’t quite feel good either.
… to in my mid 30s noticing that anything that I truly felt compelled to wear or put on my body felt like an actual extension of ME, and there was just no longer any thought of the ‘external’ or what anyone else might think or impressing anyone. I just felt drawn to put certain things on and express myself in certain ways (mainly crystal jewelry acquired in my travels and hair feather extensions).
Seriously, I just spent 3 months in Guatemala living out of a carry-on sized backpack and basically wore two outfits and adorned myself with the most extraordinary jewelry and hair feathers… And felt more myself than I had pretty much EVER.
I’m not sure if the shift in how I relate to my own appearance and the ways I “adorn” myself are simply the result of aging or that I’ve devoted a considerable amount of my time in the last two years going inward – reconnecting with my own essence and the exploring priestess path, myself.
I can now see so clearly that from my teens to early 30s adornment came from a place of having something to prove or seeking external validation, not so much a reflection of my essence. I’m an artist and aesthetically driven person so “presentation” was always a consideration, it’s just coming from such a different, joyful and creative place now, and that feels damn good and no longer externally driven.
Oh wow Laura – this is such a beautiful sharing and I thank you so much for telling me ALL of it. I was riveted by every word. And so much yes fellow Priestess to the power of self-adornment (crystals and feathers especially!) from a SOVEREIGN, womanly, womb centred place of our own choosing and desire. That is the thing that makes the true difference here where adornment of this kind and outer feminine expression can lead to such internal riches of self-love and soul knowing. Blessings to you.